You're completely useless in the revolution.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize