my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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