i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
