I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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