Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
