why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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