take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
