winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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