idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
