I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
