I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
