I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
