And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
