im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
