therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
