How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
