Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
