she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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