oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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