Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
