i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
