FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
