Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
