he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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