He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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