Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
