Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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