Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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