My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
