And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
