I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
