i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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