I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
