Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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