Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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