I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
