shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize