Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
