Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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