It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
