I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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