when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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