in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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