ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
