You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
