The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
