I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize