real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
