Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
soo... how was my night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
