We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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