Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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