just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
