Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
