like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
