Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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