I heard we made out
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize