the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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