my soul wont recognize me after tonight
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
