When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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