u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
