I'm gonna have a badass scar
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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