i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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