i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
