No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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