put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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