Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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