smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
