then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
