I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Congratulations! We have a period
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
