Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
