I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
