Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
