Don't you send me to vm
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need help removing her.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
