She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
