I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
