I could have mohawked her pubes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
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