brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
