I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize