What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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