it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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