Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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