Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
