Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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