can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
