Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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