Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
