I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
