he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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