wrigley field is MILF paradise
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
