Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
