My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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