I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
