my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
