This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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