i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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