I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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