I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
