So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
