I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
