I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
