When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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