There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
