it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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