morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
