I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
