Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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