We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I cannot find my penis.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Randomize
