Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
